I’m having an off day. Usually, I can sort through what I’m feeling with greatest ease. I can find the root of the problem, sometimes with help from a friends counsel. However, today I’m not going to get that counsel, so I’m going to have to find another way to sort out my thoughts. Therefore, I’ve decided to write here, which will break my principle about not making this blog a personal diary. Sorry, I need the therapy. For those of you who might read this, I will try to make it about the general questions I have and not just personal bitching.
There are two things that are frustrating me right now, although, I will choose just one to write about: sex. There are so many things to say about this topic (too many to cover in several posts, let alone one), so I’m going to stick to the one question that weighs heavy on my mind right now: is there no room left for monogamy?
First off, I need to address the fact that I find nothing wrong with casual sex. I believe in sex positivism; I think everyone should be able to choose to have sex how they see fit. I’ve known people who have partners that they can call up just for sex, and I think that is great. Also, I don’t see why someone can’t have multiple partners in a committed relationship (i.e. polygamy). I like seeing people who are so free about sex. It is important to challenge social norms about sex and relationships.
Which brings me to my issue: is my choice to not have these types of relationships just a result of social conditioning? If I see the value of casual sex relationships for some people, does that mean that I should abandon myself to the same view? If I can see that this is something lots of people enjoy, am I being close-minded by not wanting to adopt this principle for my life? Is there something wrong with the way I view sex?
It is probably true that the way I was raised has some bearing on my views on sex. My upbringing influences a lot of things in my life; we are all products of our past. This isn’t bad as long as I make an effort to think critically about the views I have and examine if they are logical. But just because there are influences that lead to my opinions, does that mean I should get rid of them and do the opposite? Isn’t this pressure from others just another influence that is acting on me?
I have found that a lot more people are coming out and challenging the old-fashion idea that monogamy is the only good form of sexual relationships. I love this!!! I think me need to challenge propriety for the same reason we need to challenge any ideas: we learn which are based on reason and which are just based on faulty logic. However, when it comes to the topic of sexual relationships, I think that it is a personal right to choose which is best for yourself. I’m tired of hearing people try to convince me that if I just tried it and got past my “uneasiness” I would find that having multiple partners is the best thing.
I’m not buying! I know that casual sex in the form of open relationships isn’t for me because I KNOW myself. In a committed relationship, I would expect the other person to want to make me happy just as I would strive to make them happy. I could try to force myself to be okay with them sleeping with other people, but it wouldn’t make me really okay with it. If I am in a relationship, I expect my partner to honor that relationship. For me, that means sexual fidelity because I see sex as form of intimacy. My definition of intimacy: allowing someone to see the things that make up my “self” that I don’t let the rest of the world see. This is why I can’t be okay with multiple partners at the same time: the intimacy would be broken.
Just to make this clear: I find nothing wrong with others choosing sexual relationships other than what is right for me. We are all different; how could one option be expected to be right for everyone? I just want the respect of others in my right to choose monogamous relationships.
Some Things are Random 